It's Not a 'Domestic Dispute'

Domestic disturbance.

Domestic dispute.

Domestic incident.

Domestic violence.

All of these terms seem to be used interchangeably both by law enforcement and in the media when describing some kind of altercation of a victim by a family member. But do they all mean different things? Is one more serious than the other? Will one result in more serious charges to a perpetrator?

Domestic violence, by definition, is abusive behavior used by a perpetrator to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner, or a family or household member. It denotes a pattern of abuse, as opposed to a singular argument, and often escalates in severity over time. A domestic disturbance or dispute may not necessarily fall under the umbrella of domestic violence. These terms may be used to describe an argument between two people who live under the same roof that’s gotten out of control and has triggered someone to call the police. Physical violence may or may not be used during a domestic dispute. A domestic dispute or disturbance doesn’t always indicate that a pattern of power and control has been utilized by an abuser over a period of time. 

“Domestic dispute would be something we would use very generally,” says former San Diego Police Department detective Joe Bianco, now the Law Enforcement Support Coordinator for the Alliance for HOPE International.

“Sometimes law enforcement will get called to a home by a neighbor or other third party because they hear a loud argument between a couple. When we arrive, there is no evidence of a crime and no allegations of criminal conduct, we might call that a domestic dispute. Couples can have disputes and it’s not illegal.”

Police Track Domestic Disputes to Spot a Pattern

There are police records and then there are criminal records. The latter denotes previous convictions of a certain individual and would show up during a background check, which anyone can conduct. A police record is a history of calls that are kept in a central database of a police department and are usually tied to an address. If domestic disputes don’t result in arrest, they’ll likely be written up in a police record anyhow so that police can see previous times they’ve visited an address and what the outcome was. Ideally, this helps law enforcement notice if there has been a pattern of domestic disputes that might indicate domestic violence and intervene with resources sooner. 

Detective Paul Mustain of the City of High Point Police Department in North Carolina says tracking domestic violence has come a long way since even 20 years ago. 

“When I started [as a police officer], reports were seldomly done in domestics,” he says, referring to the shorthand term police might use for a domestic violence call. “Tracking [domestic violence calls] was way less, often because this violence was occurring inside the house. The public wasn’t as concerned about it like they were the drug dealer on the street.”

His police department in High Point began a domestic violence initiative in 2012 to document all domestic violence calls which he says has made a significant difference.

“As the domestic violence coordinator, I read every single domestic violence call that comes through, evaluate it and determine what follow-ups need to be done,” says Mustain, who also cites body cameras worn by officers to help piece together all the details. 

“I can always go back and watch the entire interaction the next morning,” says Mustain. “That has changed the way we document and even prosecute.”

Referring Survivors to Family Justice Centers Can Save Lives

One of the steps that police may take after a domestic dispute call is to refer a survivor to their local Family Justice Center (FJC), a place where survivors of domestic violence, sexual assault, child abuse and human trafficking can access a multitude of services in one centralized location, such as counseling, shelter, legal or law enforcement support, parenting assistance and basic needs like clothing. Their goal is to reduce the number of places survivors need to go to access services.  

Mustain helped open the first Family Justice Center in his county in 2018. When asked how it’s helped survivors, he says, “I wish there was an adjective good enough to describe it.”

Survivors come in “in the worst week of their life,” he says.

“They leave still, maybe, having the worst week, but with hope and with different goals than they had. They realize there are people who care about them and want to see them succeed.”

While FJCs like the one in High Point have made a significant difference, Mustain says “we’re not there yet” when it comes to ending domestic violence.  

Domestic violence calls are one of the most dangerous and also one of the most common calls police respond to. 

In High Point, population 115,000, Mustain says they’re seeing an average of about 150 incident reports a month, which is where there’s an allegation of assault. On top of that, they see 160 calls a month of “just a disturbance of some sort,” he says.

Lethality Assessments Can Spot Escalation

In police jurisdictions around the country, danger assessment tools have been implemented to help law enforcement gauge on the scene what level of danger a victim may be in. The Maryland Network Against Domestic Violence created the LAP, or Lethality Assessment Protocol, in 2005 as a way for officers around the country to assess a victim’s risk of being killed by a partner. An officer asks a victim a set of 11 questions about her risk factors, called the Lethality Screen. If the individual is identified to be in “high danger,” an officer is encouraged to call a local domestic violence hotline on site and allow the victim to speak to an advocate about receiving immediate services. 

In California, the Los Angeles Police Department has developed a program called DART, or Domestic Abuse Response Team, which deploys domestic violence advocates to calls where domestic abuse is suspected. The advocates begin working immediately with the victim to provide crisis intervention, orders of protection or safety planning. 

However, these types of tools, while available to anyone, are unfortunately not utilized consistently, and the results are deadly. At least 93 women are killed every month in the U.S. by intimate partners. It’s a staggering statistic that many advocates attest is entirely predictable and preventable if red flags can be spotted before abusers have the chance to kill.

“We focus on repeat offenders,” says Mustain of his city’s domestic violence initiative. He credits the police there with looking for patterns of abuse. He also credits the community—the high volume of calls in his city, he says, may partially be because concerned individuals want to step in where they once may have turned a blind eye. 

“Twenty years ago, when you were in an apartment complex and you heard your neighbors fussing, you wouldn't call because it was none of your business. But now, through teaching that violence isn’t normal, whether it’s domestic violence or street violence, I think when people see it or hear it, they’re more apt to call.”

How Survivors Can Help Themselves Be Heard

After calling police, survivors can consider taking these actions to improve the chances that the abuse is noted and taken seriously:

• Immediately contact a trusted family member or friend who can come over to support you, back up your story, and stay with your children, if needed.
• Describe aspects of the assaults that may not be immediately visible. For example, “He raped me,” or, “He bit my breast,” or “He had his hands around my neck and was squeezing, and I thought he was going to kill me.”
• Tell the police you need medical care if you were strangled, lost consciousness, were sexually assaulted or have other painful injuries including head trauma.
•  After you have described this one incident, tell them about patterns. For example, “I am afraid every single day” or “She threatens me all the time” or “The kids are terrified of him,” or “He has been controlling me for ten years.”
• If you have evidence such as photographs or videos of previous assaults, show these to the police. This article tells you how to store evidence safely, even if the abuser destroys your phone.
• Inform the police if previous reports have been made, even if they are in other jurisdictions.
•  Tell the police if the abuser has access to weapons and if you have been threatened with them. If the weapons are in the home, tell the police where to find them.
• If the abuser made threats against you, tell the police about these. For example, “He told me he would kill me if I spoke with you,” or, “She said she would run away with our kids if I filed charges,” or “He threatened to send naked pictures of me to my boss if I called the police.” 
• Don’t be afraid to ask for a lethality assessment and ask if you can call a domestic violence hotline or reach out to a Family Justice Center while the police are present. 

Find the complete list of tips in this article: “Help Police Determine Who Is the Primary Aggressor.”